Quotes Here is the repository of our wit. It's long been said that the story line of our campaign is far less important than scoring zingers on the quote list. I've managed to compile quote lists for all the sessions I've been to, even the one where we didn't maintain a quote list. I wasn't present for Session 5, so no quotes for that day. Other notes that I should mention are that Jeremy Franklin joined the group after I (Jeremy Zimmerman) did. So, in earlier sessions, where it refers only to Jeremy, it's referring to Jeremy Z. I make no guarantees as to this list's appeal to others. It's only virtue is that we were amused. Each section has a link corresponding to that session's list of events. [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ] [ 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 ] [ 13 | 14 | 15 ] Session 1 "Open trump gate, Ghostwheel!" "I'm afraid I can't do that, Merlin..." -Jeremy, trying to be witty [TOP] Session 2 "I can talk with my butt!" -Andy "Just a little random Chaos." -inadvertent pun regarding the plight of the monarchy in Amber "No little one! I'm immune to the powers of cuteness!" -Devin, OOCly referring to Pete [TOP] Session 3 "Looks like a big, blobby, realty warping creature." -Andy [TOP] Session 4 Andy: When you get back to your hut -- Jeremy (butting in): Your beau from the shadow is there with another woman. Andy: There/they're on the table-- Jeremy: You missed your chance to go "ha-ha". Devin: I went "ha-ha" a long time ago. "There's some bad trumps going around." "I'm tiny, and I bounce!" -Michaela "Oh, sorry, those are my ruthless, bloodthirsty tactics." -Harlok "GM bribery knows no bounds." -Michaela "You never know when you're going to need a body." -Devin Lamianna: How many hellmaids have you known recently? Harlok: Including you? Benedict: Who's there...? Jeremy (pauses): I forgot my character's name. "Shit." -Benedict Lamiana: I trust Gerard. I served under him. Egon: Which means he doesn't trust you at all. [TOP] Session 5 Session 6 "I haven't had the chance to explore myself." -Aramis, when talking to Pete about exploring the castle "It's the other side of your lap, isn't it?" -Jeremy Franklin, about Egon's missing moon "If I get my ass kicked by Flora, I think I'll cry." -Jeremy Zimmerman "I just like doing it by myself." -Aramis, when talking about his Pattern Lens "Back in Amber, you're in Harlok's room, playing with your little box." -Andy, to Michaela and Devin "Put your head here! Oh, wait, it is there." -Michaela, following off of Andy's comment. Andy: He's stockpiling salt. Jeremy Z.: Salt? Devin: Yeah, we're going after the blobby thing again. Jeremy F.: A-salt weapons, huh? Micheala: Flattery will get you everywhere. Jeremy F.: Especially with Aramis. "He beat on his what...?" -Michaela "Egon, in his spare time, will be composing show tunes." -Jeremy Z. "I just naturally jumped to your ass." -Jeremy Z., to Michaela [TOP] Session 7 Devin: There's a danger behind seeking out a Teletubby shadow. Jeremy Z. (in a deep voice): Prepare to be assimilated. Devin: Pumping information from Benedict is like squeezing water from a rock with a string. Micheala: A 2nd string at that. All: *groan* Micheala: But don't quote me on that. Devin: Over the river and through the woods... Micheala: To Benedicts camp we go... Andy: His snout glistens in the light. Michaela: Ooo, that's so sensuous. Harlok: I live but to serve. Micheala: Can we quote him on that?! "Great flaming air whales." -Devin Harlock (to Benedict): May I make a suggestion? Micheala chokes. "He just has no poetry in his soul." -Michaela, regarding Devin "Prepare the winged demons and flying things that go 'bite-bite-bite'." -Michaela Devin: It's phallic fire! Michaela: Thank you. I'm glad you went there. "Kill'em all and let me sort them out." -Devin "I knew it! I really am in charge!" -Michaela [TOP] Session 8 "I have strange images of lonely Amberites and their trumps." -Andy "There is just way too much Jeremy for one person to handle." -Jeremy F. "Oh, that's right! When last we left you you'd just given yourself a kline bottle wedgie." -Michaela "Which just goes to show that with bribery, you can get anything you want." -Michaela, reading a story to Korray "Shadows are scary." -Korray "Remind me to forget you again." -Jeremy F. Micheala: I knew it. He's become master of the universe. Jeremy F: Does that mean you have the power of Greyskull? "I'm still discovering myself." -Aramis "Cain is not one to let mere function get in his way." -Julian Julian: I'm not really in a position to challenge Martin. Aramis: Oh? What would it take? Jeremy F.: I greet Llewella, take her hand. "My lady." Andy: She gazes into your eyes. Jeremy F.: Ooo… I like that. "We have a lego man army. What are we afraid of?" -Jeremy F. Llewella: It's a thought that has slipped past Martin. Aramis: Yes, there seems to be a lot of those these days. Flora: He did spend too much time with his Aunt Fiona. Jeremy F.: Today we play the touching game... Aramis: Uh, could someone please fill me in on who this Arawn fellow is? Bleys: No. Aramis: Oh, well I have some info on him. How about we do a little trade? Bleys: Ahh, (big sigh) I was hoping it wouldn't come to this with your generation. Aramis: Yes, I was hoping that too. (Uproar of laughter from the peanut gallery) Jeremy F.: Harlock the Degenerate. Michaela: You say that as though its different from normal. "Never put the clapper on your life support." -Jeremy F. Egon: If you can explain him, I'll kiss you. Or not. Lamianna: If you can explain him, I'll stop him. Lamianna: Gerard doesn't usually mutate like that. Aramis: How does he usually mutate? Lamianna: Everyone's old demons are coming back to haunt them. Aramis: That's what happens when you open your closets for spring cleaning. "How does it feel to be part of a theme?" -Egon "We're going to die." -Everyone at some point in the game, while laughing. [TOP] Session 9 "You've done your job. Now leave before I feed you to the wall." -Harlok Martin (to Harlok): I've heard good things about you. Jeremy Z: Not from us. Harlok: I take it there's a ship in the harbor with my name on it? Jeremy Z: There's a ship named "Dipshit"? Jeremy F: So you're getting a dinghy? Devin: Hell, I'm getting a life ring. Devin: Flat out: if the first mate is a tall skinny guy with a red shirt, blue pants, and white hat, I'm running. Jeremy F: So, if you start calling your first mate "little buddy" we should beat you around the head, neck, and shoulders? Harlok: Chaos causes cancer? Jeremy Z: Didn't you see the warning label next to the Logrus? Andy (about Florimel): Her dress compliments the morning sky. Aramis (in a whisper): It's a fake window. "Put your hands between your legs and kiss your sweet Aramis goodbye." -Jeremy F. Pete: How do we get him back together? Egon: Depending on how common exploding people are in Amber... Egon: Toodles, hon. Harlok: Bite me, Seymour. [TOP] Session 10 Michaela: We all know the Jeremy Collective is evil and joined at the hip. Jeremy Z. grabs Jeremy F.'s leg. Jeremy F.: (screams) Prepare to be severed! "Fetch me a bucket of Merlin." -Jeremy F. "Lamianna seems to be popular on alt.sex.necrophilia." -Jeremy Z. Pete: I think they just like to look at dead bodies. Llewella: Do they do that a lot? Pete: (nods) Devin: I'm going to do something utterly British to them. Jeremy F.: You're going to tax them to death? "He's not New York dead, but he's dead enough." -Aramis Llewella: You can bring your friends through for the tour if you want. Aramis: No, they can't play right now. Jeremy Z. (to Jeremy F.): Nobody ever trumps me. You bitch. Michaela: Yes, but I don't like you. "I usually come down here naked, so this should be okay." -Michaela, on Rebma Andy: I had a character- Michaela: No you didn't. Andy: She was in his favor briefly, but she wasn't comfortable with it. Michaela: I was frightened by the tentacles. "My needs are all that matters." -Michaela Jeremy F.: You're oozing, but not out your ears. Micheala: Is that quotable? Jeremy F.: No, just filthy. Devin: I went "boing" a long time ago. Michaela: Can we quote him on that? Jeremy Z.: I would, but he already used something like that. He's just rehashing old quotes. Harlok: Dear cousin- Lamianna: You must have the wrong trump. Try again, Harlok. "It's that short, weaselly thing." -Jeremy Z., on Egon "Egon wins dude of the week award." -Devin "We were about to take over the universe when we found the weasel game." -Aramis "He's a trump idiot savant!!" -Karen, regarding Egon "No, he has a bigger lens than you." -Andy [TOP] Session 11 "Harlok will make the third family member to sleep in that infirmary." -Aramis "Harlok resembles one of the Fantastic four. 'Flame on!'" -Jeremy F/Aramis "We probably shouldn't use the 'F' word next time Devin's here." -Michaela "So, are we agreed we're selling the universe to *bleep*." Lamianna: Is Fiona a problem? Aramis: Only if you're in the same room. Devin: Does this mean I wake up in a private hospital in upstate NY? Jeremy F.: And you think you're a go-go dancer named 'Bimbo'. "That's the last time I treat you to 'whack-the-weasel'." -Aramis Harlock: What else bad could happen? We could all be clad in lederhosen and dance the rhumba. Egon: Don't you mock the festivals of Weirmonken. "You just have the East Coast fetish, don't you?" -Jeremy Z., to Devin Aramis: I propose- Lamianna: I accept? Jeremy F: I have to toddle off to the little Aramis room. Michaela: I thought you had a big lens! "I like to think of Martin as the source of all Cosmic Wedgies." -Michaela "Hello, Aramis. I do hope that wasn't an ancestral home." -Egon "My lord! I come bearing gifts!" -Egon, to Brand Andy: You're pushing, out through the void, with only a ring of fire to light your way. Jeremy F: Ghostwheel, my true love! "Oh, yes. My room has 'Underground Railroad' written all over it!" -Harlok Egon (in disguise): I have a message from Lord Egon. King of Weirmonken: Then deliver it. These men can be trusted. Egon: Very well. How are you? King of Weirmonken: That's your message?! Flora: I'm told that those from Weirmonken have some rather... unusual abilities. Egon: Yes, but this is hardly the time to discuss it. Egon (to Aramis): If Martin were really free, he'd have nabbed you by now. A ring of fire appears underneath Aramis and Aramis falls through. [TOP] Session 12 "Well, you've heard of the goose that laid the golden eggs..." -Jeremy F., on Egon hiding behind giant Iggy while conjuring gold "I'll pay 5 Iggy nuggests for that bottle of Brandy." -Jeremy F. "He needs your help in the bathroom, little boy." -Andy, regarding Egon calling Pete into the privy "Any new dead bodies?" -Jeremy Z. , as Egon arrives in the Grove of the Unicorn. "The Grove of the Unicorn is where the Body Bag of Holding opens." -Jeremy F. Jeremy Z.: I'll proceed with caution. Jeremy F.: Who's caution? Egon: Can I ask a nosy question? Aramis: I suppose you will anyway. Egon (to Llewella): I do, of course, realize, that doing something like delivering the King of Amber to the Courts of Chaos represents the height of folly- Karen: How can you, of all people, say that with a straight face? [TOP] Session 13 "Sterilized my ass." -Jeremy Z., while playing Aliens vs. Predator pre-game Karen: I'll trump our mystery guest. Jeremy Z.: I like how none of us are willing to speak his name for fear of invoking him. Devin (on the shadow of Orlean): Are they all dead yet? Andy: Nope. Devin: Oh, then we're not done yet. "Travel-sized for his convenience." -Jeremy Z., about Iggy "Flora, the other F-Word." -Jeremy Z. Caine: So what's this about Merlin's toy? Egon: Should I sing Johnny Cash for you? Jeremy Z.: I'm always scarce in Amber. Athena: Scarce? Is that your nickname? Jeremy Z.: Only with Martin. So anyway, there I was, in Amber -- Athena: With Martin! Jeremy Z.: --with Martin, wearing my little leather outfit... Devin (about Noel): She's probably a stock broker where she comes from. Andy: Ah, but is she the One True Stock Broker? Devin: I'll get breakfast, do what people normally do. Other Andy: You get the poisons in all the right foods... Flora: Benedict and Gerard normally handle these things, but -- Jeremy Z.: They've been disposed of by other player characters. Flora: Do watches normally take you places? Noel (shaking her head): I've never travelled by watch before Pete: Did you see anyone in this dream? Noel: Just one man. Jeremy Z.: Was he a one armed man wearing glasses? Devin: I didn't know Benedict wore glasses. "This is Amber, the most magical, wonderful place in all the Universe. And this is the most deadly thing here. Good luck." -Other Andy Other Andy (on the topic of desperately poor Jedis): Will use the Force for food. Andy: I guess that's "Force Feeding". [TOP] Session 14 Andy: Martin thinks Chaos is trying to kill him, partly because he's insane, partly because- Jeremy Z.: Partly because other players have tried to kill him. "Is there anything in shadow that hasn't fallen apart?!" -Cort Jeremy Z.: Do you fear her curse? Devin: The thing about curses is that you have to be able to speak them. So, no, I'm not worried. Michaela: Yes, but I know sign language, and that counts. The one true 'fuck-off' of which all others are but shadow. Andy: In the box, there's a head. Devin: Anyone I know? Jeremy Z. (forshadowing events later on): It's Lamianna! Michaela: I inform the person I'm bodyguarding that I need to accept a trump call, and go into another room, locking the door. Cort: Real high psyche, huh? Other Andy: You'll know when she comes through the door saying, [insert Dalek voice here] "Exterminate... Exterminate..." Cort (also in a Dalek voice): "The door's locked, damn... the door's locked, damn..." Cort: So there's starvation in Amber? Andy: Not in the castle... Harlok; I actually have a non-bloody solution. Egon: Oh, my god, the end is near! The church is right! Egon: So what brings you to Amber? Noel: A watch. Egon (after a pause): There goes that pick-up line. Priest: The spirit of Eric has been seen... Michaela: I wonder what he has to say... Cort: "Ow"? Priest: When's the last time you went to church? Egon: It's not my church, chappy. "How do you escape the end of the world? Build condos in the Abyss?" -Cort Priest: But, you see, you cannot be saved as you are impure. [pointing to Egon's missing arm] Egon: How about I club you with my stump and then we can discuss 'impure'. "Demoness, I have some elementals I'd like to discuss with you." -Sebastion's first line, as spoken to Noel Andy (describing the situation to Cort): ...some priests menacing people in the corner... Cort [crisply]: Irrelevant "It's the little badge that says 'Evil'. 'Hello, my name is Evil.'" -Cort "I told you hell hounds not to play with the trumps!" -Karen, while pondering a lupine Egon trying to trump Julian "We just wander through, breaking things..." -Cort, on Sebastion and Noel. "Oh, is this your castle?" -Sebastion, to Flora. Flora, of course, answered "Yes." Julian (to Pete): We're gonna make a man out of you tonight. Cort: Don't bend over!! Sebastion: Well, I've disintegrated one church, I can disintigrate another. Flora: Was that you? Sebastion (as though it's obvious): Well, s--, well yes! "Good Lord! Just pick up the important bits and go elsewhere!" -Sebastion, on what to do with the problems in Amber Julian (introducing himself): Julian, Prince of Amber. Sebastion: That's very nice. "I've been tied to a pillar most of this session..." -Michaela Caine: Do you have any last words? Lamianna: Forgive me father for I have sinned? "It won't heal if you keep picking at it!" -Lamianna, regarding her severed head "Look! I don't have a fucking head! I don't care!" -Lamianna "Death no longer exists, the Pattern is green, and we're having a weenie roast. Care to come through?" -Egon, as he trumps all the Elders "The center of the Universe is this obscure little corner that no one likes to talk about..." -Cort Sebastion: (regarding Amberites) Which one is the least bright? Noel: They all seem a bit out of it... [TOP] Session 15 "If we go through with our plan, we'll have all the body parts we need." -Cort, at Safeway before the game Jeremy Z.: I have a spell to regrow arms. Michaela: Could you make spares while you're at it? "Congratulations. We now have 'ookie' Amber." -Athena Jeremy Z.: (recounting events to Athena) and then you cut my hand off. Other Andy: Thus severing the trump. Michaela: Do you know how hard it is to find a Merlin shaped Jell-O mold? Devin: Or how about a cake ring now you have a really pissed off bunt cake. Other Andy: I don't know we could put him in tooth paste tubes. "Merlin topical Ointment". (rubbing his hands together) I need to summon Ghostwheel! Other Andy: So could we make an olive loaf of Merlin? Michaela: Or a meatloaf? "I don't know he cut off hands and other body parts. It was all sort of a blur." -Other Andy "When someone asks you if you have a trump, you say 'YES'." -Devin Michaela: Oh, yeah, I am still naked. Devin: No shirt, no shoes, no skull, no service. "I'm so glad you're here. I have no idea what's going on." -Flora Egon: Do you know when the family meeting is? Lamianna and I were going to go deeper into shadow. Pete: And you want to avoid it? "He's so pettable!" -Michaela, on Cort Noel: Are you one of their best warriors? Harlok: I'd like to think so. (Peanut gallery has a field day!) "Ghostwheel is a project of a cousin. This cousin is now in a bucket." -Harlok "You flushed yourself." -Devin, to Other Andy "It's musical chairs. We're down on bodies, and you need to find your own." -Jeremy Z. "Ubiquitous bitches, aren't we?" -Devin "Each time you feel that presence, just smack your head." -Devin (?) "I resent being called an evil presence. A malignant presence. An annoying presence. But I'm not evil." -Cort Jeremy Z.: (after examining Z. Eric through his lens) I'm gonna scope Lamianna out really quick and see what she looks like. Andy: (laughing) You're just going to start leering at her? Jeremy Z.: No, I mean is she undead? Andy: Lamianna, this wolf is looking at you, his tongue sort of hanging out... Jeremy Z.: So what does she look like? Andy: Well, she's not all she's cracked up to be she's kind of muscular, and you don't really go for that type... Jeremy Z.: I mean the undead thing, you ass. "I think what you call fun, others would call mind numbing agony." -Cort Athena: (on Fiona) I didn't mean to. She came through my computer. Jeremy Z.: I was checking my email, and there she was! Other Andy: Damn viruses. "I look at them as only an Elder Amberite can." -Cort, playing Eric "When you've lost your head, what are a few clothes?" -Athena Flora: No this isn't happening Eric: It's happened. Deal with it. Egon: Lamianna? Cigar? Lamianna: Think it goes with the tits? Noel: Give me a reason not to kill it. Harlok: You'll hit the ground next. "Huh?" -Benedict, in a drunken stupor Benedict: Hey puppy, puppy... Jeremy Z.: If this wasn't Benedict, I'd be pissed. "He'd come through if I was naked." -Michaela, regarding Benedict Benedict: You know Julian was wanting to improve the breeding stock of his hellhounds. Egon: I prefer mine shorter. Lamianna does a quick height comparison with Egon. "We're not competent, but we know people who are." -Cort Egon: Think outside the box. Jeremy Z.: I can't believe I just said that to Benedict. "If he actually says that, I deck Egon." -Michaela, after Egon tries to suggest strategy to Benedict "Bad doggy." -Benedict, after Lamianna decks Egon "I know a couple of Korean restaurants that would like to get ahold of you." -Devin, to Jeremy Z. "We haven't had a good blood sampling in sessions." -Michaela Andy: She walks you over to the pentagram. Jeremy Z.: Corwin! I've got your kid! Get over here now! Andy: He appears to be... Michaela: Sobering quickly? Andy: Nonononono... Andy: Everything's in ruins. They've leveled the castle Cort: They've viciously rearranged the florals! "Is it just me, or is this reassuring in a weird sort of way?" -Devin, on Brand obtaining the Jewel of Judgement "I'm gonna put Benedict in a sack!" -Michaela [TOP] Session 16 Noel: It was okay when your king had it. Egon: He's not my king! I'm not from Amber. Athena: Oh, geez. Devin: I love it when people come in from the hall saying "Oh, geez". Athena: I was reminded that I'm leaving today. Jeremy (commenting on Noel): I have an immense amount of power and I don't know how to use it. Can you help, Fiona? "You trump Oberon, and Iggy answers." -Devin (?) Fiona (regarding Corwin): Bring him too. Noel: Who? Devin: The scab at your feet. "No, she chose him as an ally as he was the only one who seemed formidable." -Noel, about Sebastion "Reality can be such a bitch." -Llewella Devin: Short, shrivelled, and hanging to the left. Other Andy: Eww, don't even write that one down. Andy: You see grass growing on Corwin's back. Devin: He really has gone to seed, hasn't he? Bleys: Take Egon, here... Harlok: Please! "She's probably the only unicorn in all reality with a decent retirement portfolio." -Devin, about Noel "I don't need to do anything. I have bigger people to do things for me." -Other Andy "I could destroy Weirmonken. NO PUPPIES." -Aramis "Comes in two sizes: Fun size, and 'Oh-my-god-he's big'." -Devin "Bite me, you little ground vermin." -Harlok Devin: Are you two done smelling each others' butts? Jeremy F.: Where I just came from, that's a pretty common greeting. Devin: That would explain why Egon keeps walking up behind me. Bleys: Would you care to explain this? Aramis: Yes, did you have a hand in this? Bleys: As you will notice, this change did not bring back everyone that has ever died. Only the recently dead. Egon: But I found Eric as an animated corpse, and he has been dead for years. Aramis: Now that is a paws for concern. "Was there any point to that, or are you just tired of life?" -Harlok, to Julian Harlok: At least I don't run around with a pack of dogs big enough to ride on. Egon: Hey! "He didn't kick the bucket, he fills the bucket." -Jeremy F. "My death soliloquy will be 'Damn you, Egon.'" -Jeremy F. Flora (caught red-handed with the Jewel of Judgent): Oh! I'm glad it's you. Aramis: And I'm glad it's you! Jeremy F.: I hug her and as I let go I bring the Jewel. Aramis: Noel! Bring me back now! "Where there's trouble, there's Aramis." -Jeremy F. [TOP]