"Hon! We didn't register out of shadow!!"

"We never had a baby. What's that smell...?"

Dan (describing his character): So, I was raised by a bunch of chicks.
Jen: Gay, gay, gay...

"Random's a recessive gene."

"I will not be a dyke this time."

"I don't care what Amber looks like as long as my portrait is okay."

"My goddess is damp."

Cort (regarding Kath.s character): Wow. Her Armageddon is tidy.
Andy: She has a British Armageddon.

Kath: I have things to do!
Andy: Water plants and yell at your husband?

"You've had a weird summer? Is that like June Cleaver saying, 'I had a bad hair day?'"

"Tell the fish-man off! 'Listen, you dolphin-free fuck!'"

"Aw, dad. Not again. I.ve been bleeding all day."

"Ooo. Angry meringue kitty."

Andy: You know, this is the first time there’s been a normal trap in an Amber game. You can hear the gears shifting in Kath’s head.
Jeremy F.: In Amber, this is novel.

"Wow, you were conquered by Scooby Doo tactics."

"Eric: wounded by book!"

Jen: It’s not that I hesitate, it’s that I had a thought.
Cort: And that alone is shocking.

"I’ll be partying. Tell me if you die."

Marah: Why didn’t you open it?
Guard: It’s a wall, ma’am.

"Wow. Five seconds into the conversation and she’s already into ‘plaintive whine.’"

Dan: Most of us had breakfast together.
Kath (to Jeremy Z.): Until you spilled the beans.
Andy (as Moon): "Eric’s a pussy, go check it out.

Jeremy F.: She kinda has a little veil.
Cort: It helps cover the pus-filled lesions.

Calla: Is there a name for this group of protectors?
Courtier: Whatever you want.
Cort (helping): Calla’s Clingy Courtiers?

Calla: Imagine this ruffian is trying to attack me.
Courtier (defending her): Piss off!

Simon: Can this affect your physical or monetary health?
Marah: Indirectly yes.
Simon: That’s the wrong answer.

"I’m probably going as a lawn gnome."

Merchant (to Bart): I’m off to get more kegs.
Jen: Oh, I thought he said pigs.
Andy: It could be both. Kegs and pigs. Pigkegs!
Jeremy Z.: Pigs filled with beer!
Andy: It’s the best of both worlds.

"It sounds like you have something against parties."

"Look how cute I am! Come through to me!"
-Jen, on how to lure people through a trump connection.

"Can I rub on your good stuff?"
-Jeremy F.

Jen (on "visits" to her character): You sinned coming in, you’re clean going out.
Andy: Usually it’s the other way around.

"This is the only [Amber] game I’ve been in that requires a Find/Remove Traps skill."

" ‘Henri’s dead? Did he have clean underwear on?’ ‘No, but he had a pair tucked into his belt.’ ‘Oh, thank God!’ "

"Moon is Buddhism gone wrong."

"Anything to do with the family is our business."

Tech: We need to get you to the clinic.
Marah: No.
Tech: You have at least second degree burns.
Marah: I’ll be fine.
Tech: Your ass is hanging out!

"You just need a big cotton panty!"

Jeremy F. (to Cort): There’s a city guard waiting outside.
Jeremy Z.: You’re under arrest!
Jen: She was only 8!
Cort: I was feeling youthful.
Andy: She was a very tall 8-year-old.

Jeremy F. (to Cort): There’s a mason jar of black ick waiting for you.
Andy (as Cort): Oh, my pâté showed up.

"I love gack! Especially during the holidays."

"Oh, not more gruesome deaths. This is getting tiresome."

"Please stop ignoring us, sir."

Authorities: We just have a few routine questions.
Bart: I’m sure I know what your routine is.

"When you’re being anally probed, try not to lose the data."

"You’re going to wake up thinking you’re the Burger King."

"The bad guys are fighting over me. I’m popular!"

Gérard: Of course I don’t want to know. But you should tell me.
Andy: You have a fresh cup of coffee. Throw it!
Cort: You cannot break Gérard, but you can burn him.

"I appreciate anal retention in evil."

"Would you like an adjective?"

"She’s an equal opportunity hussy."

Andy: It’s a man naked on a horse. What more do you want?
Jen: Not much.

"The gay gene runs deep. It protects me from unwanted heterosexual advances."

Cort (to Jeremy F.): You’re losing it.
Jeremy F.: You can’t lose it if you never had it.

Jen: I said the first session that I will not play a dyke this game. I have five strapping young men!
Cort (sobbing): I’m viciously heterosexual!

Jen: I walk up to them like I belong.
Jeremy Z.: They stop talking and stare at you.
Andy: It’s like when someone not cool walks up to you at a party.

Simon: Are you staying.
Marah: YES, BECAUSE I HAVEN’T HAD A CHANCE TO SAY ANTYING, SIMON!
Cort: Simon looks non-plussed. "Very well."

"I got the camera? I can stop masturbating!"

Simon: What is Chaos?
Jen: Julian offers you a red pill and a blue pill.

Jeremy F.: He must like you a lot to let you get away with it.
Cort: I was also right.

Calla: She rests with the Unicorn.
Jeremy Z.: She rests with something.
Jen: Shut up! Stop fucking with my religion!

"You’re like a suburbanite. ‘I’ve never been here before. It’s so… arctic. Do you get cable?’"

Dan: Excuse me, professor, what’s a "blowjob?"
Jeremy F.: An "A," sweetheart.

Cort: Simon looks nervous. Really, really nervous.
Andy: And he has no pants on.

Dan: Some were killed bestiality.
Jen: They were fucked to death by dogs?
Dan: Bestially.

Simon: Do you know my name?
Servant: You are Darkness.
Simon: Not at the moment.

"If you can’t eat your id, what good is it?"

Cort (regarding the CD player): That’s like our game. "Just hit ‘Play,’ we’re already on random."
Jeremy Z.: Everyone looks at Andy.

"In a way, Jeremy, you are a fruit fly."

"It’s gonna be a fun day of tea, Devonshire cream, and talking about Simon!"

"One by one, certain nobles are choking to death."

Cort (regarding Marah): Those silly bisexuals.
Kath: Marah’s all about enjoying the day for what it is.
Dan: Or hating it, depending on the mood.
Cort: Or hysterically castigating the day.

"I’m impressed what a good ‘bitchy jilted lesbian’ Jer is."

"I’m not tampering. I’m examining the fabric of reality."

"No! Pain and angst for you for two weeks! [pause] That was easy."

Jen: Men basically suck.
Kath: Yeah, pretty much.

"He would be so much happier if your brain was in Onri, and his brain was in your body."

Andy: It’s a Primal Thermos!
Jen: It’s hot throughout shadow.
Andy: It can have coffee, or soup!

Marah: Eric has managed to piss off the entire younger generation.
Cort: Speak for yourself, drama king.

Jeremy Z. (as Kath): "I have my own horribly dangerous thing to do. I don’t have time for your ‘boy’ things."
Andy: It’s emotional.
Cort: Marah, emotional loose cannon in Amber.

Tannin: It’s a long story.
Bart: I have time.

Cort (to Andy): You’re like the Borg now.
Andy: No. Maybe.

Chevalier: What sort of information are you looking for?
Peanut Gallery: DIRT!

"It’s not just about warding, it’s a theme."

Andy: Are you doing emotional readings from her boudoir?
Jen: My god, she fakes it every time!

Andy: Am I back to normal?
Jeremy F.: You’re up to 95%.
Jen: Your pee-pee doesn’t work.

"It’s like an episode of Star Trek. ‘There’s too many bozon particles!’"

Kath: No one gets testy in Amber?
Cort: Not like you do.

Dan: If mood changes were a power plant, you’d be a hyperdrive.
Kath (pouting): Marah’s not going anywhere now.
Cort: Thus proving our point.

"Bartholemw: Marginally useful."

"Mr. Explorer… Mr. Scout… Mr. Fell-Off-a-Ledge…"

Cort: I’d spend another hour making a mapping spell, BUT THERE’S A FORWARD ATTACK COMING.
Andy: Fine, "Marah."

"That’s it. I’m turning evil right now."

"You’ve enhanced Moon-Jiz?"

"So, does that mean we have ‘Moon-Shine?’"

Cort: Where are we compared to Tannin?
Andy: Off camera.

"We’re obviously carrying the artifact you desperately want, even if you don’t know it."

"That was a very complicated, Discovery Channel explanation of ‘Fuck you.’"

Cort: The music’s not on your side.
Jen: I don’t care. I have faith.
Cort: Most people do right before the end.

Jen: It’s probably dead and gross, and Bart will want to lick it.
Andy: No, no, no, maybe.

Jeremy F.: You don’t want this. It’s just Udon’s scab collection.
Andy: His entire scab collection.

"There’s just her conversation on a sea of subtext."

"Listen to the music. It is a scab."

"Simon is like everyone’s worst little brother nightmare."

"I learned physics, but I forgot how to chew."

Andy: Oh, right. I forgot I learned that language in my spare time.
Cort: I could pick it up, but I’d lose physics.

Kath: They were not nice to our Callah.
Jen: That’s why Marah was wanting to kill them. They were rude.

Andy: That’s how the books end. Corwin in a vat of goo with a girly mag.
Jeremy Z.: Soaking in a vat of his own semen.
Cort: That gets cold.

"Man, your Unicorn bleeds like a bucket."

Callah: I’m not going to have you frantically trumping me after getting beat up.
Onri: Once! It happened once!
(Callah holds up two fingers.)
Onri: I recall troubling someone else the first time.

"When a joke fails, continuing on with it is not the best tactic."

"Has that alien been decorating your dog?"

Bart: Hey, Simon, don’t you think we should be able to read this before turning this on?
Simon: I can read "On." What more do you need?

Cort (pretending to read a display): "My ass is filled with glory and power!" Andy: Again?
Cort: You need to get some Metamucil for that.

"Can I be initiated into a power that doesn’t lose every confrontation?"

"I want to see how many people I can get to bleed from the eyes by the end of the session."

"The line you have reached, Marah, is full of ennui. Please try again later."

"He’s done being scared. Again."

"The way your dad fucks around, there must be a lot of you out there."

"…and then she gets her head blown off by a flower."

"I’m here. I’m there. I’m here. I’m there. Where’s my foot?"

Cort: I’m abandoning myself to intuition and symbolism!
Kath (doubtful): Oh, please.
Cort: You’re not there!

"What did they say in your head?"

Simon: This is not an exact science.
Bart: I’ve gathered that much.

Jeremy F. (to Cort): Okay, you’re back at the party.
Andy: And there’s you clubbing mimes.

Cort (on creepy subconscious Rebma): Clouds of underwater Angst?
Kath: Sorry, I’m leaking.

"My dreams were packaged for later shipment!"

Cort: He’s all into power, even verbal power.
Andi: Oh, one of your friends?

"Bart answers the trump, sees Marah, chuckles, she cries and asphyxiates."

"Have you been sticking your dick in my Fount?"

Cort: Simon’s covered in moving black flame tattoos, but I’m sure he okay…
Andi (as Tanin): "That’s great Simon…" as I wait for the drugs in the wine to kick in.

"I won’t mention this. Marah would have a field day with this."

Marah: I look busy?
Jeremy F.: Like Kath’s never used that tone of voice before!

Andi: We’ll go get bigger ships, with much taller and thicker masts.
(Kath nearly chokes on her burrito.)

Marah (to James): …and you can come along.
Cort: … and be able to do nothing and watch.

"Moon is avoiding creepy domestic talk…"

Andi: Hm, that was completely useless.
Kath: Yeah, I know.
Andi: Well, now you know how James feels.

"My wife’s friends had to come save me, my wife couldn’t be bothered."

"If this keeps up, Bart’s going to go to a shadow where vaginas can’t get through."

Jeremy Z.: I don’t want to talk to his ass.
Dan: I’d rather talk to his mouth.

Callah: Is there anything else sharp in here?
Carson: Besides your tongue?

"Yay! People are already dying for the cause!"

Slave: Your words were true. No man can stop you.
Callah: Just wait till I’ve had a full night’s sleep.
Jen and Andy (suggestively): Then I can take you all.
Jeremy F.: And make a fortune on the video.

"It’s not a bad ship. It’s my ship."

"What’s that wailing of the damned? Oh, Marah’s home."

"The courtesans you requested are here."

"Who am I to defy the steward?"

Marah: We’re done. It was fun.
Simon: That’s an interpretation of it…

Cort: Simon’s not concerned. He has black lines all over his arms, so it’s not like it’s a secret.
Jen: You might consider a long-sleeved shirt.

"Simon’s like, ‘Before you commit me to treason…’"

Dan: So if you IPO, will we get a part of your power?
Cort: Sure. I’ll become very wealthy, then the whole thing will crash in two years.

"My parents are going to be Corwin and Sparky the Pattern Dog."

Jeremy Z. (as Corwin): "I’ll be a benevolent tyrant…"
Jen: "Suck it, darling."

Tannin: This is a war that will be fought on many fronts.
Jen: We keep telling this to the people in charge, and they keep blowing us off.

"I’m committed only to soup."

“There are Japanese throwing-Oreos!”

Cort: Trying doesn’t hurt.
Andy and Kath: Yes it does!

Bart: So, I heard Eric is pissed.
Fiona: At?
Bart: Us.

Fiona: I’m always open to what you have to say.
Bart: No you’re not.

“You took Fiona to your pyramid? It’s Fiona! She’s smarter than you! Accept it and move on!”

Jen (on Simon’s ability to fly the pyramid): You landed it point down.
Cort: I got us on the ground!

“Do you really want to have Simon’s off moments? He got a boyfriend in his off moments.”

“Your mom has been reduced to Charo!”

Andy (as Fiona): “See! This is what happens when you mess with things!”
Jeremy F.: That’s not what she said.
Andy: But that’s what Bart heard.

“You made the GM tinkle!”

“I’m not making a concentration camp. I’m removing the life force of creatures declared technically bad. And maybe some other creatures.”

“You accidentally stumbled across Dworkin’s underwater pot farm.”

Cort: Your power didn’t come with evil.
Andy: I’ve got Fiona.

“Sorry, but we both know your fuckhead brother has been attacking Rebma.”

“In my mind I visualize the ass chewing I’ll get from Marah if this goes into the city. That will kill any erection.”

“That would be embarassing. ‘Fiona, Mistress of the Mind! Trapped in the lavatory!’”

“I’ve got a pee erection. Wanna do something about this?”

“It’s Bleys as portrayed by William Shatner.”

Marah: You’re a great big effect Simon.
Simon: Everyone needs a hobby.

“They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than death blight…”

Jeremy F.: Looking back, you see the water looks milky.
Jen and Andy (in unison): You just need to get those drops…

“Take your cousins. It’s better to die by friendly fire.”

“It really sucks when you accidentally crush the psyche of your cameraman.”

Kath: Hi Simon, where are you? Can I yell at you?
Cort: I haven’t done anything.
Jen: Are you sure? Think hard.
Cort: Like I’d remember.

Bart: What are you doing?
Fiona: Cleaning up your messes.
Bart: Stop that!
Fiona: If you do first.

“Marah wonders why Simon feels he needs to justify himself. He must feel guilty.”

“Your shield of bitchy virginity was hard to break through.”

Simon (over a group Trump call): If you bring the chains into view, I can weaken them.
Andy: Was that the narrator?

Cort (on the life sucking darkness): If you use your power, it will be like a buffet to them.
Kath: Oh, you’d know, wouldn’t you?

“Simon did unequivocal good!”